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Sept 5, 2010, 5:30pm

ADHD and LD Support :: Parent's Place :: Behavior and Social Skills :: Social Skills :: Friends....

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Topic: Friends.... (Read 111 times)

bugsmom
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Friends....
« Thread Started on May 13, 2010, 5:45pm »

I was just wondering how many friends your adder has. Also, how do their friends treat them? Are they loyal in every way, or does your kids do whatever their friends want them to do to keep the friendship?

I can say that Josh only has 2 REALLY good friends. It's been very hard for him, being homeschooled the past two years, to keep up with friendships he had before. One friend has been his BBF all his life, the other one he has made the effort to keep the friendship alive for the past four years.

His BBF has changed a lot in the past year. He's finding it harder and harder to please this friend. He is totally loyal and would move heaven and earth for this friend. I don't think this friend has been treating him very good lately and I've let him know. He also agree's, but doesn't want to say anything for his fear of losing her. It breaks my heart to see him so hurt at times. To me, the friendship lately has been one of convienence...when she has time for him. Then he jumps at a moments notice to please this friend. It's really been bugging me.

Do your kids go beyond normal to please a friend? I understand where he's coming from, but I just don't like it. I know when he starts back to school in the Fall he will be able to make more conections, but until then, he only really has this friend.

I don't know....this has just been on my mind today...thanks for the vent.

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katiekat
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Re: Friends....
« Reply #1 on May 13, 2010, 9:31pm »

I would say Sean has no friends. He has kids he talks to at school but it does not go beyond that. He is never invited to anyone's house or parties or anything. On the occasions when he has asked kids if they want to come here they never seem to get back to him. There are 2 boys on our street that he will attempt to play with but they dont seem interested. Well one is outright mean 99% of the time and YES he does go beyond normal to please this kid. My husband and I have pointed out to him the way this boy treats him but he defends him. Poor Sean follows him around like a puppy while the kid totally ignores him. When he has absolutely nothing better to do he will play with Sean. I am having another issue myself that I am going to start a new thread for so I don't hijack yours on the same subject. But yes I see Sean tolerate being treated like crap so not to lose this "friendship." It makes me mad.

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sapphyre
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Re: Friends....
« Reply #2 on Jun 28, 2010, 9:55pm »

It can be hard, can't it.

DS only had one close friend for a couple of years (Gr 3 and 4) ... and that friend only had him. (Comes from a broken family with an abusive father, and I'm now best friends with his mum). Note, he also has mild Asperger's not just ADHD.

Now this boy was quite difficult for some time (he has his own anxiety issues due to being regularly verbally abused and seeing his mother's finances under dad's control, etc.) and sometimes would treat DS badly. DH (ADHD diagnosed) wanted to stop the friendship because it wasn't right for DS to be treated this way. I took a different approach, explaining to DS it wasn't right for his friend to treat him like this, but that his friend had problems he was working through, and it was up to him (DS) to decide how to deal with it.

The friend did improve, especially when his mum finally left his dad and a few months got a decent man/father figure in his life. So I feel I did the right thing.

At primary (elementary) school, the school really needs to work on helping the kids all get along. Our school has this great program called 'You Can Do It!' which includes 'Getting Along' as one of their 5 sets of values they teach the kids.

Now, both boys are part of a larger group in Gr 5, and birthday party invitations are starting to appear again.

Getting nervous about high school though...

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I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. -- Mother Teresa
10yo DS has ADHD and Asperger's (mild), DH has ADHD, fibromyalgia, and Anxiety/Depression, 6yo DD doing well so far

misty
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Re: Friends....
« Reply #3 on Jul 14, 2010, 3:52pm »

How did I miss this thread?? I feel so neglectful!

Shannon is sort of in the same boat as Josh, in that she's been schooling at home the past 2 years & hasn't had much opportunity to keep up old friendships. She has 1 really close best friend. She also has my cousins daughter, Kayla, who is the same age & they are also good friends, but also feel a bond of blood. She has 2 male friends that she manages to stay in touch with online, but they do not hang out...although she does walk up to the boy's house once in awhile if she's out walking with Kayla. There are 2 girls she also stays in touch with online, but one is a year older & has a job & a boyfriend. The other moved far away so they do not all get to see much of each other.

She tends to go along with things & like you said, will drop everything to do what her BFF wants to do & runs when she calls. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that she just doesn't get a chance to see her friends as much as she'd like to. We are still without a car & her not having been to a "brick & mortar" school means she didn't have after school activities to get involved in.

I'm really looking forward to her going to the charter school this year. So many more opportunities will open up for her & I'm sure she'll make some new friend. The school is very close to us so getting her rides so she can get involved in activities will not be a problem (my mom volunteered in this area). Plus, chances are, she will meet friends that are close enough to walk to their houses.

I think the main thing is how happy the kid is. Shannon & I have had m,any talks about friendships & she is genuinely happy with her few close friends & has no real worries about not being a part of a larger group. This took me a long time to come to terms with because I had TONS of friends at her age. Huge groups of us would do things together & we always had plans for every weekend. But she is perfectly happy hanging out with one person, & doesn't mind if she has no plans for days on end.

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bugsmom
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Re: Friends....
« Reply #4 on Jul 14, 2010, 6:30pm »

Misty...You have just given me a REAL lightbulb moment. Joshua is also very content with having a handful of friends. I just realized after reading your post, that it bothers ME more than it does him. I, like yourself, had more friends in highschool than I could manage...lol. We all did so much together, and every moment was filled. I don't think I was home for 4 years...lol. Wow...I guess I never really thought of it this way. Maybe they ARE content with a one-on-one relationship. Or maybe its just easier....hmmmm.

I do know since I posted this a few months back that Josh is branching out a bit. His BFF is the complete opposite of him...she's a social butterfly...more friends than names in the phonebook...lol. Anyway, she's introduced him to a few really nice kids and he's enjoying hanging out with them this summer. They've been riding bikes, swimming, and just plan hanging out. I love his BFF, she's like my daughter, but I'm happy to see him making friends with boys his own age. He usually has a hard time with "boy code" and social situations, but these boys are just plan goofy like him. It's been nice to see. They don't try to be cool, they are just as immature as mine is...lol.

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